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Worried about someone else's gambling

When someone you care about is struggling with harmful gambling, knowing how to support them can make a big difference

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Having a conversation

Often, when someone feels like their gambling is getting out of hand, having a conversation with someone they trust can be a relief. It is important to remain non-judgmental because people often already feel embarrassed or ashamed about their gambling.

Before you open the conversation, it’s important to remember to get support for yourself. Supporting someone you care about through a tough time can be challenging, so it’s important to look after your own wellbeing so you have the energy, time and perspective to be there for them, too.

You can have a conversation by:

  • Open the conversation. There’s no right way to start, but an open-ended question such as “I’ve noticed you’re not yourself lately” can work, especially when going for a walk or having a meal together.
  • Validate their feelings and listen to what they say. Try to see things from their point of view by listening carefully and asking open-ended questions such as, "Can you tell me more?".
  • Give and take in the conversation. Listen to their perspective of the situation before sharing your own. Ask how they're feeling and share your own feelings, lightening the conversation and encouraging your loved one to contribute and offer advice.
  • Echo back what you’re hearing. Repeating the key points will help clarify what you’re hearing and help you both come up with constructive solutions.

How to be supportive while taking care of yourself

  • Ask them if you can help, and how. Your family member or friend may not want your support and might already have effective ways to manage their distress. If their methods are safe, respect their choices and trust them to know what’s best. Only offer advice if they ask for it.
  • Be realistic about what you can offer. Everyone has personal limits, so it's important not to overpromise. Small, simple gestures can be very helpful, and just being there for loved ones can make a big difference.
  • Pick your battles and keep your expectations realistic. During tough times, it's important to let go of certain expectations about your loved one. Is it worth arguing about a messy room or takeout? Take things one step at a time and adjust your expectations as needed.
  • Own your own fear around their well-being. It’s normal to feel fear when supporting a loved one in distress. Instead of judging, express your feelings: “I’m worried about your sleep. Can we talk about what’s keeping you up?”
  • When our family is experiencing distressing thoughts and emotions, it’s tempting to want to get stuck in to help them. However, big gestures or responses are not always helpful. If your loved one has been experiencing distressing thoughts and emotions for a while, these big gestures can seem disrespectful to the personal growth, wisdom and tools they’ve developed along the way.
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friends chat

Getting through, together

Providing support for our loved ones can be hard on our own well-being and cause anxious thoughts. It’s important to put some tools in place for you and your loved one to use when needed.

You can provide ongoing support for your loved one by:

  • Check in with them before stepping in with support. Share what you notice (e.g. improvements, if they’re appearing stressed) and listen to what they’re experiencing and what they think could help.
  • Give them space to make changes. Sometimes people can cycle between achieving their goals and slipping back. This is part of a normal change process.
  • Share the care. Supporting a loved one is often easier with help from others. Connect with friends and family who can listen or share a joke. Consider who you know and how they can contribute.
  • Reach out to mental health support services.

Making the Most of Your Money

  • Help them manage their budget and look after their credit and EFTPOS cards.
  • Set up automatic payments for bills and give them only what they need for essentials. 
  • Contact your bank about services to manage gambling transactions. 
  • Consider a budget advisor when you need professional help. 

Find out more

financial planning

Exclusion and gambling blockers

Encourage them to take a break

Under New Zealand law, a venue can exclude individuals who have uncontrollable gambling urges. They can choose to exclude themselves from one or more venues. To do this, they need to inform the venue staff that they are experiencing gambling harm. These services are known as self-exclusion and multi-venue exclusion.

Online gambling blockers are also available to help exclude oneself from betting apps and online gambling sites

Find out more about gambling blockers and controls